Once upon a time there was a shae,
who could not get onto the internet.
she was very sad because, like most
of her age, she was addicted to the
internet, and to myspace.
This was alright, because right now
she was looking for more people
to come to her apartment.
Alas, this was going badly.
Girls were with boys.
People were trading their time for
some cash.
Boys were with girls.
or they were in louisville.
Pat was at Dragon-con,
and there probably wasn't enough
alcohol for them even if they came.
(Althought it was not a 'drinking'
party, this does not stop people from
wanted to drink all her booze)
Her phone was looking annoyed and
neglected.
They're were 4 people there, two
of whom lived there on a normal basis.
A Hamster scurried along the floor.
and there were lights.
and it was kinda sad.
but not really.
"Why don't I have anyone's number?"
demanded a buzzed shae.
"sniffle snorklefuph" Lindsay Replied,
while scratching her eyes.
The hamster kept trying to knock over
her beer, which would have been really
unfortunate.
Lindsay's eye popped out of her socket
and jumped across the floor.
Nook jumped up and chased it.
Then she ate it.
Lindsay was sad, but no one noticed.
They were much to worried about
the blood pouring out of her eye.
there was a jug and christmas lights.
and it wasn't so bad after all.
not really.
the hamster was rolling.
the end.
or is it?
burgers?
I <3 notepad.
I less than three notepad.
There is a fly on the bottle.
There is a fly in the bottle.
yum said the fly.
and then his liver exploded.
he was pretty happy anyway.
coz he's a fly.
and he was only gonna like, live 2 weeks anyway.
it's probably hard to read in the dark, shae.
I want to play scrabble.
Scrabble would be fun.
At my high school, you'd invite people over to play scrabble when you
really wanted to make out with them.
So... Scrabble.
So, i can't really play scrabble, and i was never invited over
to play.
but this is not an emo monologue. i promise.
The blue light from the Tv is very creepy.
creepy like a creep.
Like that radiohead song.
coz shae likes radio head.
radiohead or is it radio head.
is there a space bewteen them?
let's make a jug band, shae said.
a jug band that plays radio head covers.
Creep, done by jugs.
dumb shit people do is fun.
well, hearing about it anyway.
brandy is here now.
this is brandy's story. she
is.
gonna.
die.
from.
owl aids.
owl aids is a joke.
about owls.
and owl rape.
and we were in the prosses of figuring out... conor obesrst.
and it smells like good stuff does.
Star hoodie.
Star Witness.
Ah man! she's a cutie.
but damn, is he creepy.
Let's pretend to know what we're gonna do, then we're gonna do.
....and brandy rides laser panda like a horse.
"she's so fluffy"
"I thought that you were talking about lindsay"
"me too..."
whiplash isn't fun for your neck.
My back and chest feels weird.
because brandy is sitting on it.
ah. my organs.
my...
organs.
mahhhhahahha!
and my spine.
but i don't mind it soo much.
Stephen is watching the fly get drunk.
it's wings are wet,
i forgot it had wings.
dude, wings....
shea is gonna let the kitty out!
wooo hoooo wooo!
party time!
oh, imean,... oh, it's nook.
nevermind.
lol. /sapparently kidneys and throats are the same thing
I just had some really bad deja vu.
really bad deja vu.
It was about turkey burgers and an asian girl that wasn't asian. so brandy.
That is totally your right, not your left.
I'll take that one. she says to the cup that fell on the ground.
I choose you hamster.
tiger army?
tiger army says get off the internet.
i think that is one of there songs.
hello.
the internet is for porn.
it is also for porn.
sometimes it is for wow.
but mostly it is for porn.
sorry kate, i masterbate.
but mostly it is for porn.
she's not an alcholoic!
someone counting her chickens before they hatch.
damn!
brandy doesn't get signal!
damn!
hamster pleasure.
she's fast!!!!!!!!
..i mean. the hamster....
heheheh.
what?
you don't get a lot of play.
i don't get a lot of play!!!!
upside down hamster.
--------------------------------------------------
///start brandy parsons/
one potato.
two potato.
three potato.
now.
foreplay isn't for you grandmother.
Silent fart..?
he's a fart master..
a green disaster.
kung fu fighting faster than..
lighting..!
your won't be the first one,
nor will it be the last.
come back..
to frank sinatra.
kitty kat, kitty kat..
mouse on mars..where you gonna go?
kitty kitty kitty kat..
you're fat.
ball ball, who has the balls..?
general sword,
are you fucking serious?
something funny. The end.
/end brandy parsons/
\------------------------
foreplay isn't for your grandmother?
i think it is?
why isn't it for your grandmother?
she might enjoy it.
Jared's grandmother seems to enjoy it.
Brandy?! found porn!
a dildo. magazine.
in her.. grandmother's bathroom.....?
they live in seperate rooms? then they have to.
I love my grandma.
I hope she had orgasms.
I hope she had a very happy sex life.
Because that is nice.
because i love my grandma, and i hope she had nice life stuff.
Brandy is gone insane, and has the consumption.
you guys are so classy.
she just farted on him.
this is classy.
flowers in a jug?
there is something classy about that.
come her you,
classy. kitty kitty.
classy kitten. hamster foot.
hamsterfood.
it would scurry away.
jared move your leg!!!
geeze, i can't get out.
jared caught me fart. and i was hoping that he wouldn't.
---------------------------------------
/start jared mcckinney/
how does the poliece oxfficer lick muffin bunns?
its a trick question because there is a stick of butter in my pants and it screams for some sunlight
because if you dont dance then you moisten your pants... with cocoa butter
captian kirk said only two things... hello, and look at my sexy hat
its about that time, that time of day when you notice that guy in your closet, who masturbated on command
disco dancin lover boy whose paint is a poop jar fly.
simon and garfunkle sittin in a palm tree because the spanish inquisition man... government.
yellow and black make green, so if your asian... look out for the black man. he will give you swamp thing babies.
watch out for the slip and slide with shit on it... it will satin your heels.
sometimes the strawberry milk cant drive 55... and that makes me sad, because how can you breath when that danm rubber duck
moves so slow, you cant even smell your crack anymore because of immigration laws... danm those fences...
mate with me you small turkey and smell my anal vapors because im a hot little midget with a mastrabatoy complex
go go gadget erection powered by his rectum rockets and kaboose juice for fuel.
so yellow and black make black.... so your safe.
how many frogs must a man sing to before you call him a man
3 butt cheeks.... i have... im sorry.... bad lab experiment... with butt cheeks...
so a monkey escapes from a zoo, he hops a train from new york to switzerland... he makes some friends in high places.
5 years go by and he becomes dictator and builds the worlds greatest army.
they are not the greaTEST because of numbers, but because they have conqured all of europe with only swiss army knifes.
5 more years go by and the monkey dies of poop... poisining... yeah, poop poisening. then walt disney becomes a zombie
and takes the throne. he then proceedes to eat things and then europe blows up and we all morn... for porn... i guess.
im going to give up the compy... for now, ill e back....
/end jared mcckinney/
____________________________________________________________________
social awkward zombies.
jared can't spell.
and captian kirk said more than two things.
he said. hello, i love you spock, and look at my sexy hat.
so he said three things.
where did that fluff ball go?
what is on your mind?
hey.
your feet on on me.
dear zac braff, you are awesome and all, but you can't just shuffle your ipod, and call it a movie soundtrack.
you just can't.
i mean, it's awesome, but that's good anyway.
brandy is scratching her toe.
and it feels weird.
this feels weird.
hehe.
weird.
your kneecaps are just above my kneecaps, and it's weird.
i'm glad will is not here.
creepy.
creepy.
creppy.
my new pet.
this is my new pet.
it is a story, says shea.
it is a story worthy of the internet.
b ut not really.
the internet is for the internet.
and wikipedia is a blog, according to dr. spock.
he was.
the gay.
not that there is anything wrong with thaT.
well, that is from a senfield episode, and i agree with that peticular
senfield episode.
larry david is infallable.
he's pretty much george.
also awesome/
you're just sleeping on my lap.
it's kinda like a living blanket
it's kinda like a live-in blanket/.
it's kinda like a live in girlfriend.
that is a blanket.
and crushes your ribs.
there is funny burger.
there is a turkey burger.
really.
really.
spoons and cups are gone.
but all her shit is still there.
sydney and her bf are here now.
so there are more people here now.
so then it is much more intresting now.
yes yes yes.
it is much more intresting now.
well, you are moving in together pretty quickly.
who knows how it will end, but it was pretty fast.
anyway.
this is what her bf says.
and it's probably right.
but i can't just stop tying in that thing...
what is that thing?
stream of conciousness.
i like that.
i like that.
black and yellow do not make fucking green, jared, you are really stupid.
black and yellow do not make fucking green.
i could show you my box all fucking day, and you wouldn't even notice.
i always color inside the lines.
i'm not perfect
i'm not purple.
i'm not coloring inside the lines.
but black and yellow do not make green.
no no
black and yellow crayon do also not make green.
do also not is not a proper series of words, but jared cannot spell, or see colors, apparently.
so it doesn't matter.
oh, alcohol, i still drink to your health.
a labor day monster sex romp
the night of the living penis.
the texas chainsaw axewound.
if you have to remind people who you are in y our next song, you are out.
you are out.
it has catnip in it, so she rubs her face on it.
meow.
meow.
what's wrong with you?
it says catnip, but you really mean weed.
there cat had a problem.
listen here man, the cat only deals in cps.
who set a frog loose up your ass?
frog ass.
says brandy.
rowarrr!
i had a dream.
how did you have dream about it, and you'd never heard it.
------------
/brandy parsons start//
everyone laughs.
your such a jolly whore.
ha ha ha ha..
this guy had dolphin sex.
it's bad.
drunk yet dolphin.
the dolphin said give me time baby, i have everything thing else dolphin need.
catnip and migets, don't get on google earth.
my period.
I'm bleeding, bleeding earth. Am I sober?
That was bad but fun in a way.
oh shit, is that where we live? google earth BABY!
Are you mine sun shine, do you hazve cookies for me.
no you don't i am not for you. So horny..me so horny.
Lindsey will love you long time.
That is the story, she called him.
pull it up, pull it out.
5 minutes of fame baby.
I'm gonna starve to death for boobies.
I want boobies.
boobies baby.
give me your boobies.
muscle boobs.
man boobs.
fatty boobs.
queen boobs.
I want boobs baby.
scary women, boobs, flexing, dancing boobs.
bulla bulla boobie baby.
Oh shit.
shit?
shit comes from your rectum.
Shake your rectum baby.
shake it like an earth quake.
landslide baby.
summer camp landslide.
damage my lungs.
I can't breathe air, I breathe love.
love? what is love?
landslide.
--------------
/end brandy parsons//
--------------
what is love
baby don't hurt me.
what is love
what is love? ...
I won't tell on you.
Sit on me.
I'm only kidding.
You're the only one, but you're with somebody.
you give me the worst weggies.
that's what friendship is for.
he talking about the french relvoution.'
talkling about the different classes.
the smurfs chopped off their head.
up wiht the third class.
down with the nobles.
la pastie de la boisqusie.
don't be scared by the books you've heard.the books you've read.
richards on richards.
the lower classes. go chompy chompy chompy.
oh chompy!!!!
all dogs go to heaven.
excpet the ones who go to hell.
i want her dress.
i want her fleas.
we've got the fleas.
that made her cry.
because he's dead now, and it's creepy.
it's too dumb to get out.
holy cow!
holy cow.
too lazy hamsters gonna come out the front gate.
he's ready to go.
he's ready to go.
the lifetime movie about eva braugh.
if you married hitler, you're probably asking for it.
hope you don't get gassed.
hope you don't get gas.
from all the german sausage.
i would like to be set on fire.
-----------------
/start jared mcckinney//
so a turtle walks into a bar.... a preist and a.... the preist molested him.
a cowboy sits down... the seat breaks, whitch gives him a massave erection that lasted more than 4 hours.
he consulted a doctor.
if you lick an ice cream cone with just the right ammount of pressure, the core of the eatrh will freeze which will
result in the moon having dihereah... that is poop.
if you walk more than 2 mph, you will get a rectal probe of massive ammounts of mixed fruit
if the pope wore a bikini then jay leno would buff his chin with a suede hubcap.
erection connection? yes, sounds like a talk show for your unborn fetus.
wonder if the dalhi llama dyes his pubes...?
yes.
well well well... how did you overcome your butt butt syndrome... with poop sauce and cheese.
can you smell me... i cant, but i thouoght you might want to touch my butt... its name is burt.
well, nobody wanted to write in you so im here with you again mister laptop.
if i had gills i would eat things... that only things with gills could eat.
but for now ill just look at naked animals with 2.547 legs.
how big is big foots junk... in his trunk.?
_____________________________
*start shae*
"I can run surprisingly fast on all fours!"
"TRY AN ET WALK! DO IT!"
"that's not an et walk, that's an et fall down!"
Hello, mr. joyce. how are you today?
i've got a brand new pair of rollerskates!"
"HAHA! *penis sign* ...key..."
"TRANNY PANTIES!"
"you got a hummer from the tranny didn't you?"
"I'm going to!"
"...*blinks*..."
"I"m going to start a website called tranny panties! It will do well!"
I'm dying of the consumption.
I'm getting surprisingly progressively drunk surprisingly progressively fast.
"Sometimes, furry art is cute!"
...What?
"That's like saying bugs bunny is a furry!"
"Now, Elmer Fudd is a furry because he's kissed Bugs Bunny!"
...What again?
"If you wanna dress up like a mouse and have sex, that's your own thing."
Why is my section chock full of quotes?
"I don't wanna be near your vag, stop moving your leg like that!"
We all need to go to bed.
And I think it shall happen.
Soon.
Now.
