I'm in a very strange place.

I can't even explain it.

I don't want to explain it.

Just trust me.

K?

The Definition of Duly

Home now. It's really weird, but I'm sort of glad.

But you were wrong. They didn't really do shit but their job. No more, no less. It's even more proof that my assumptions were correct.

...But I would like to emphasize that most assumptions made are completely wrong... A simple fact seems to be neglected nine times out of ten.

"Of course it's sad. No one wants to believe they're all alone."
"You know, you're a real upper."

It makes me chuckle to realize that I've been here before. Same fears. Same context. Same conversation. Verbatim. It gives me the advantage. The advantage of desensitization.

And you said I'd never have to use that word. ;)

Furrowed brows banished by amused grins.

Superfluous at best.

Tact is highly overrated.

...As is the illusion of eloquence...

It all DID catch up with me. Only it wasn't quite the slow decline that I expected. It was all at once. Like an avalanche. Unforgiving. Deadly.

"Well, at least you gave it one hell of a try."

...And in that moment, I realized you were so fucking right...

-------------------------------------------

Martina Sorbara - All in Good Time

Just a few more days 'till spring
And I'm crossing my fingers
Oh let the snow melt into rain
The city is deserted
As if everybody hurt it
This town doesn't want us around here today
And I've got that feeling my life is caving in
I can't help but feel that way

So don't even tell me that all in good time
That I'll be just fine

I'd feel so much better if you'd loosen my tether
As I'm tossed about, your cold white ball
I'd get on the freeway, wont stop driving 'till next Tuesday
And put a thousand miles between us or more
I know that's not possible, all the streets here run in circles
I wouldn't even make it out of the car

So don't even tell me that all in good time
That I'll be just fine
Don't even try to ease my mind
Oh don't waste my time

If I do get through this
I promise you this
Next time around I'll get it right
I'll walk through your ghost town
In nothing but my night gown
And you can blow with all your might
And I'll face you smiling
Whether dying or surviving
But for now I just got to make it through tonight

So don't even tell me that all in good time
That I'll be just fine
Don't you try to ease my mind
Oh don't waste my time
Don't even tell me
That I'll be just fine
'cause I know I'm not fine
Don't ask me to try and be kind
Because it's personal this time

"...A moving target in a firing range..."

Wow, I haven't updated in a while.

Well, I suppose this is all you need to know:

- I don't know why, but I had the STRONGEST urge to go home yesterday (which is fucking weird), so I called, and bada-bing, here I go.
- BRANDI IS COMING TO VISIT ME!!! I'm excited times nine!
- Showers are optional when you don't see anyone for more than two seconds in passing.
- The word "ridiculous" is getting fucking old.
- I lose things like it's my fucking job. (No idea where my school ID is now.)
- Somewhere I'm not scatterbrained.

I hope HomeZone is having meatloaf. Because I'mma eat the hell out of it.

See ya on the flip side!
Shae!

...Yup...

Spring Break's not really a break at all. I want to sleep in my own bed. Amongst other things.

Bah. I feel sick. And tired. Physically and mentally. And my arm is twitching for some strange reason.

I'm working on about 50 ulcers as we "speak."

I'mma sleep so hard tonight. It's going to be sweet.

Do you have an opinion? A mind of your own?

Wholly shite.

Bed time.

HOORAY!

Shit that happens!

1. Tried to wrap my head around how I managed to set my alarm clock an hour behind its usual time without realizing it. ("WTF? *looks at cell phone, clock, cell phone, clock* I thought daylight saving time sprung forward in the spring!") Up side: I got an hour more sleep!

2. Made a rainbow and 50 gold coins. Perhaps I am a leprechaun?

3. Found out my little sister is more than hell bent on joining a foreign exchange program to Japan for her Sophomore year in high school. This makes me immensely proud.

Meh. I'm going to go do homework. I always say that's where I'm going, but I never actually make good ont he claim.

:XD

Who's up for a good seizure?

I just finished doing some layout shit on my myspace. I'm kind of proud of it, even though it's busy as hell and will probably cause many seizures in the somewhat near future.

Now that my head hurts and I am destined to spend the remainder of the night on a humanities paper, I'm going to go to bed.

Shae!

"How many times undone can one person be?"

I've been sitting here for quite some time now. Working a puzzle on the minkster's blog. With some crazy quiet meditation. And dedication. To this useless little task. And I'm not stopping til I'm finished. But I've realized some things. My "place," if you will. And I'm okay with it.

For tonight.

If something doesn't fit into your puzzle at the time, you need to get it out of the way. And you should expect no less of others who are working on their little puzzles. There are spaces in time and place for everything/one. And perhaps mine has passed. So. Just because your puzzle isn't going as expected for the time being, you shouldn't rip it all apart and put it back in the box. As I would have done before (and have been so very tempted to do lately). You just have to do what you're being forced to do. Be who you're being forced to be at the moment. And I'm okay with that.

For tonight.

Fucka buncha every goddamned thing.

Little Ani Difranco never ceases to amaze me. This song has been stuck in my damned head all day:

"so what?"

who's gonna give a shit
who's gonna take the call
when you find out that the road ahead
is painted on a wall
and you're turned up to top volume
and you're just sitting there in pause
with your feral little secret
scratching at you with its claws
and you're trying hard to figure out
just exactly how you feel
before you end up parked and sobbing
forehead on the steering wheel

who are you now
and who were you then
that you thought somehow
you could just pretend
that you could figure it all out
the mathematics of regret
so it takes two beers to remember now
and five to forget
that i loved you so
yeah, i loved you, so what

how many times undone
can one person be
as they're careening through the facade
of their favorite fantasy
you just close your eyes slowly
like you're waiting for a kiss
and hope some lowly little power
will pull you out of this
but none comes at first
and little comes at all
and when inspiration finally hits you
it barely even breaks your fall

who were you then
and who are you
now that you can't pretend
that you can figure it all out
subtract out the impact
and the fall is all you get
so it takes two beers to remember now
and three more to forget
that i loved you so
yeah, i loved you, so what
i loved you
so what

...Sleep deprivation at its very best...

Delivery Man: "I have a package here for the Big Cheese."
Tiffany: "We don't have a Mr. Cheese."
Delivery Man: "*confused look*"