"They say that things change... my dear."

Hrm. Past few days have been kind of surreal. They all passed so quickly.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I'm awake right now.

I'm just sitting in the comp lab listening to launch cast because well... that's the only source of recent music I have since my laptop le broke.

THAT'S another thing I'm getting pissed off about. I'm just about to call a cab and say fuck it.

People around here are starting to look familiar and I can't remember where I know them from. Ok, not all. But a lot. And still more people know who I am, but I have no rememberance of even talking to them. Case in point, a teacher I've never had, but knew that I had SPA102 last semester. I ate lunch with him. He was either really really really nice or... well. Too nice.

Mmm. Bjork.

I'm going to take to carrying my slr camera around with me. Well, its not MINE. It's the school's. But its MINE until May 7th. I think I got spoiled by running around with Daniel to take photos because I really want someone to go with me now.

I also need to get my laptop fixed and an XD card reader so I can use my digital again.

And a new cell phone because my charger never has come and I'm getting tired of being without a cell. How spoiled does that make me sound? I had pondered getting rid of it in December when the contract ended, but to tell you the truth, I have gotten used to it being there for my use.

Mmm. Now Bush - Inflatable.

I'm not ever going to want to leave. :(

Talked to Brandi's mom for an hour and a half yesterday. Day before yesterday? One of the two. Wrote Brandi a three page email that took me an hour and a half to write and six months to compose in my mind.

Have I eaten today?

Guess I should swing by Blimpie's just in case.

Ta!

When will I learn?

Lesson 1. Don't assume because yesterday was a decently warm day, today will be as well. Take time to grab a coat. Today was an "interesting" day. And by "interesting," I mean my photojournalism class was forced to freeze our fucking asses off for the sake of our teacher teaching us to line up shots. WOO! He's an odd fellow with an odd sense of humor. He's amusing, but... strangely flighty. I dunno. Don't ask questions, just go with it, man!

Fairly uneventful day since I just woke up in enough time to traipse off the class. I'm going to go find food and study my arse off for my art history slide test tomorrow. And my bio lab since I've been blowing that class off since the beginning of the semester. Lesson two. Get your fucking head in the game, Shae. *le sigh*

TA!

I'm still waiting on the mercy killing I asked of Santa

I'm seriously considering hermitism.

That sounds like a religion and is more than likely not even a word. But I am seriously and utterly fed up.

"I'll have more to say when I'm happy, course then I'll have less to sing."

The fraudulent charges weren't taken care of in enough time and I was charged an overcharging fee on my credit card. That is probably a fair share of my fault.

I have to find a ride to take my computer to the only computer repair place in Richmond that repairs laptops. Not necessarily my fault.

They don't fix digital cameras. So I'm left with two ways to go with this one: send it back to the company (and I didn't fill out the warranty card or anything) or buy a fucking new one. Mostly my fault.

So. I find myself another considerable amount of dollars in debt, with the possibility of more repair fees and bills and things to buy to come.

My cell phone charger still hasn't come. That means that a) the package was lost or b) people aren't doing their jobs. This may mean that I have to buy a new cell phone much earlier than anticipated (I would be up for a replacement in July). With my luck with electronics I wouldn't FUCKING doubt it.

Yeah, so I'm probably being dramatic. But I am not a happy camper at the moment. I am being pushed further and further into the unfathomable chasm of debt and am being slowly consumed. At the moment, I definitely only have my nostrils peeking out.

Well, 10 minutes until Algebra. I HAVE to go. Joy joy.

Fuck it all.

Over and out.

Shae

"You can't will yourself happy."

Hrm.

English grade is fixed.

Adv. Modern Dance class is dropped (in retrospect, I realized I hated that class even before the end of last semester. Why push my sanity?).

Photojournalism makes me miss my digital camera. We're supposed to bring our cameras Thursday without film. That means I need to empty my barrel by then and, with a full class schedule tomorrow, I don't know what to take the photos of.

I think I'm going to rent one from the communications department. Which I'll do after cinema history tomorrow.

I keep forgetting to bring my headphones to the lab.

So, I'm at least 80% sure Daniel and Stephanie are going to move here. That makes me nearly wet myself with joy.

Yup, I lost my attention span for this.

So, I'm just going to say: HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY MOVIE! I can't particularly HEAR anything on the trailer because I'm in the FUCKING LAB, but lookit! Marvin the Paranoid Android!

*hears Harry Potter music in lab* WTF? I'm either going nuts or not the only loser in this lab.

Over n' out!

BIRTHDAY RUNDOWN!

Many many many happy birthdays to Amelia, Shaan, and my aunt! Three of the coolest people EVER!

LOVE YA LOTS AMELIA!!! (Eventhough I haven't seen you online in eons. Damn you laptop. Damn you hard.)

"I'll have more to say when I'm happy..."

"...'course, then I'll have less to sing."

Got my hair cut. My neck's cold.

The guys on the floor above mine were playing "hallway baseball" earlier. *le sigh* They're interesting characters.

Had pizza and discussion with a couple of friends last night.

Check this "smooth operator" out!!! (Don't ask what possessed me to say that because I don't know.)

Today feels like Saturday.

I'm not particularly "sad." I'm more frustrated and overwhelmed. I feel like I have a lot of things to say, but I can't think of them. Like I keep telling myself stories to convince myself that reality is less harsh than it is.

*L* Per usual.

Ta!

"Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today."

The world could come crashing down at any moment.

"But its not the end of the world."

Who has the authority to say where the world ends and begins?

And what if it is and you never knew?

You'd feel awfully silly for saying so, wouldn't you?

I'm feeling particularly malicious today. I woke up with Incubus "Calgone" in my head this morning. As soon as I opened my eyes, the man in my head sang, "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Little bit less than nothing would go my way."

I'm tired of clinging to everything that leaves me.

I want to shove the woman behind me's cell phone down her throat. I'm pretty damn sure she's a sorority girl. She's talking very loudly about girls who didn't order something. Probably something with their letters. *rolls eyes*

My back hurts, but its not my kidney or my spine. I don't know what it is.

Just what I need is to sit in a hard chair for the next 6 hours (which is the approximate time until I get to go back to the dorm and lock my door).

Called Dell last night. They want to replace my motherboard. $699 bucks. At this point, I'd fucking rather buy a desktop.

Watched a bit of the Inauguration Speech earlier. For like, 3 minutes. Bush managed to piss me off three times in three minutes, so I shut the tv off. He wore a jacket that made him look oddly like a linebacker. Big shouders, tiny, tiny head.

I must dash to art history. I just realized I didn't do the reading. She does all the talking anyway.

Toodles.

Fuck the man.

So, the AC adapter thing isn't what's wrong with my laptop. I got the adapter today and it still doesn't charge. When I plug it in, the lights light up for a split second, then go off. WTF?

The reason the adapter took so long to get here is that they gave me the wrong mailing address at the front desk. Just like they gave me the wrong phone number.

Due to a failure to communicate, I have to go the high road on getting registered for my Photojournalism class. Which means I have to go through the teacher, department chair, AND the registrar.

I'm going to explode. :D

Then, I'm going to get a cookie and some hot chocolate.

Then, I'm going to crack my laptop open and see what the hell is going on with that entire back panel (my network card was fucking up, too).

Then, I'm going to bed.

Adieu.

As I was saying...

...post-algebra class.

I signed up for Advanced Dance Technique and Production (or some form of those words jumbled up)... again. I had accidentally dropped it. My ex-teacher for Beginning Technique is now my Yoga teacher. She berated me concerning my "potential" and my slight inability to attend class as often as is deemed acceptable.

Got monies! :XD

Waiting for more monies! :XD

Then waiting for W2's to get MORE monies! :XD

Ex-English teacher lady (the one who has given me so much problem and because of whom I missed the New York trip) emailed me about my final essay. I got a B and I'm now wondering what the hell I wrote in it (seeing as how I wrote it during an incoherent all-nighter). In the end, she berated me concerning my "potential" and my slight inability to attend class as often as is deemed acceptable.

I want pizza and I think (since I got monies) that I may just oblige my need for Winter-time delivery food. (The draw of receeding into my warm room with hot pizza to watch adult swim is too great!)

*head splodes*

So, first full day of classes for me and I'm sitting with 15 minutes until my MAT107 class.

Two of my teachers thus far are inept. Not in their subjects, of course. I respect their abilities in their respective courses of study, but let's just face it. They're rather flighty minded and/or boring as fucking hell. I almost fell asleep today in Bio. I have to concentrate on falling asleep. That is the first class to EVER do that to me.

My AC adapter appears to be in my general vacinity. The packaged was signed by "MORGAN." I have NO idea who that is, but he/she probably works in the center hub of campus mail. SO! I should have it tomorrow (Thursday at the absolute latest).

*le sigh* That leaves me stressing over my cell phone charger mamaw sent overnight last Thursday (which, by all means, SHOULD have been here. She should have just sent it standard. Maybe it would have gotten here quicker.), my residual check, and a package from Amelia that she's been TRYING to send since BEFORE I went on winter break. What can I say, we have the most rockin' postal system EVER!!! W00+!!!

I'm going to go apologize for a week of missed classes and listen to one last hour and 15 minutes worth of monotone, uninteresting subjects.

Ta!

"There's a paradox in every paradigm."

Of course, the title is Ani.

So, Stephanie and Daniel basically JUST left. We watched Garden State. OH, my GOD, we watched Garden State. It was such a fucking wonderful movie. "For serious." AND we went for a LONG walk after we watched it last night (came home around 5am) and scouted out places to go today. One of them was a tiny music store that was located across the street from a titty bar and adjacent to a bar called "The Bear and Bull" or something similar containing the words "bear" and "bull." They fucking had an Italian import of Knuckle Down for 13 bucks. Of COURSE I bought it, by god. The release date in the US is Jan 25th.

Heard from a friend who is in Glasgow right now. Lucky bitch. Even if they ARE having record breaking 120 mph gale force winds.

Just wrote a letter to a friend who is going through marine corp training. I addressed the envelope upside down. That's okay because my grandpa does the same thing. We'll just ignore the fact that he's old and was once blown up in a mining accident.

Well, this room is making me sleepy. Sensory deprivatingly white and warm with low hums of computer fans. I'm going to go collect my laundry and curl up to watch Napoleon Dynamite.

And so I will leave you with a moment out of my perpetual game of music-fucking-ridden word association. *breaks out into song* Eeeeeeeveryone is a fucking Napoleon!

"I mean, what makes you so lavish that you can afford to spend every sober moment feeling angry and bored?"

I'm going through Ani withdrawal.

*sings* 7:11 pm! 7:11 pm!

Well, this marks the first Friday of Spring semester. Stephanie and Daniel are supposed to come for a visit. I hope they don't mind messy rooms (I know they don't, I'm just paranoid) because I haven't been able to find time to fix mine up the way I want it. There's tiny, random objects lying EVERWHERE! I do think I'm going to do a load of laundry, though.

I have all my classes resolved except Photoj. The one I worked so hard to get into. The teacher is telling me to come to class and we'll work something out. So I'll go to class Wednesday and see what the hell he's talking about.

It took me about 5 emails to get my MAT107 class back, but my persitence paid off. I guess I got a lot of practice when I was a child. "How about now?" "No" "Now?" "No" "...Now?" "No" "...How 'bout now?" "GO AHEAD AS LONG AS IT GETS YOU THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!"

Yeah, my mom's such a lady.

I forgot my cellphone charger at home. I'm so smurt.

I'm waiting on my laptop ac adapter still. The tracking says it's left its place of origin, so I hope to see it Tuesday. Probably Wednesday, though. And I'm okay with that. :XD

Had an interesting conversation with a girl on my floor last night which took an intersting route. After talking about the new move they're doing about the crusades (Kingdom of Heaven) which quotes, "Your job is to protect the innocent." However, this statement has some fine print involved which reads, "Unless they are Jewish or Muslim. Then you pretty much have to kill them and take their stuff as your own." At any rate, my newfound friend was like "They get kicked out of EVERYWHERE. MAN, it SUCKS to be a Jew!" About that time, a girl down the hall stuck her head out of the door and goes "...Did I hear that right?" ...Yeah... She's Jewish. She also left after that. :(

Well, the amount of people in the computer lab is dwindling from few to none and I'm extremely bored. I'm going to write the Minkster a letter.

Ta!

Definitely Indefinite

Well, looks like I'm going to be taking a bit of a forced hiatus. My laptop AC adapter, which had had a short in it previously, has now gone kablooey. I just ordered a new one and, knowing campus mail, it won't be here for quite a while.

Update, though. I got into a PRIVATE ROOM in the HONORS DORM. Which means I'm in the middle of campus with hardwood floors with my friend from home (whom I missed quite a bit). NO JESUS TREKKING TO CLASS! WOO!

But right now, I have to run about like a chicken with its proverbial head cut off to get all my classes straightened out, meal plan, and my room moved around as I want it. I'm sure there's more. I just don't want to think of it because of my massive headache.

Au Revoir and Tylenol! (Did I really just say that?)
Shae

you carted me off to your detox center aiming for normalcy (and now I have a new addiction)

Wow, my mind is completely somewhere else tonight.

So, I registered 18 hours, but they're not the classes I wanted to take AT ALL (seeing as how classes started yesterday (now) and nothing is left but scraps). I left breathing room to drop classes I'm not fond of. I've emailed the teachers of my original classes asking for overrides and I need to email the teachers and tell them the classes MAY BE tentative and I won't be in Richmond until Wednesday. At least.

Thus far, my classes stand as thus:

1. College Algebra (again)


2. Introductory Biology (yum)


3. Survey of Art History II (could be interesting after The Da Vinci Code?)


4. Cinema History II (WOO!)


5. Beginning Aikido (I wanted Yoga, goddammit!)


6. General Chemistry I


7. Advanced dance Technique & Production

So I know its a little much right now, but I DID leave room to drop a couple of 3 hour classes if need be.

Went to Barnes&Noble and indulged. I can never leave there without buying something. Bought Tao Te Ching for further reading on Taoism. I also bought a few cheap classics that I haven't read, "The Picture of Dorian Gray" (Wilde), "Candide" (Voltaire), and "The Metamorphosis and Other Stories" (Kafka). I bought these all upon suggestion of other friends and found them for buy 2, get 1 free, so I mumbled, "Oh, wtf..." and commenced to shuffling books on the shelf.

I noticed today that things seem to be swirling around me like I'm the only technicolor object in a spinning spherical globe of monotonous gray. Like I'm going far too fast, oblivious of my surroundings. Perhaps everyone is moving far too fast and everything just feels slow and insignificant?

Why is it that I tend to attempt to turn everything into an artistic endeavor?

Bah. Getting up at 8:30am has drained me.

I have to get up earlier and make a few calls.

Adieu.

*does the runningman*

Well, you will NEVER believe my foul luck. I went to school to retrieve my possessions and after meeting for 2 hours with people from various offices, I'll be damned if I don't have to fucking find a ride back to Richmond ASAP before I get TOO behind in classes.

That's right. I spoke with the registrar and they're allowing me to register. I get to go back to school!!!

Bad news of this, though, is only one of my previously registered classes was still open. *emails teachers like a mad bitch* I'm fairly ticked that they screwed me (proverbially speaking) and I didn't get ONE nice keepsake from them. "You're in! You're out! You're cancelled! You're back!"

I have to try to get my meal plan back without losing the $100 flex I still had lingering after last semester, too. I opted to cancel that first. Dumbass me.

I don't want to call Rita and tell her I'm not working! *peeks out from under table*

PRON!!!

Well, I can now say that my credit card number has been stolen and used for porn before.

I just found an odd name on my credit card statement (one for 29.99 and another for 4.99) and called the company. I haven't used the card for a few months. It read something but "Amazing Networks - Cranston, RI." "What the hell was I doing in Rhode Island?" All that the credit card co. could tell me was that it was some sort of gift card company and to call the billing inquiries office come Monday. Well, I decided to do a little detective work myself. Lo and behold, PORN!!! "WTF kind of gift cards are these people selling?!"

If I have to pay for it, I should reap the benefits. "Give me the fucking username and password so I can at least have a good laugh!"

I'm proclaiming every one of my cards stolen. Get different numbers so I don't have to worry about this shit.

Isn't life just lovely that way? They say bad things come in sets of 3. What about infinite MULTIPLES of 3? I think in a few days I'm going to see if I can list every single bad thing that has happened to me. Like my English teach screwed me out of New York AND going back to school, my fish died, etc. and ritualistically burn it. It'll be a final "wallow in my own self-pity" day before I get my fucking ducks in a row.

But right now? SLEEP! I gotta be up early so I can talk to the gas station manager. Le blah.

"But as bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem..."

WHY CAN'T I STOP LISTENING TO ANI DIFRANCO?!

Ok, so its not so much a bad thing. She's fucking intelligent as hell and a lot of her songs are pegging what I'm feeling right now. Hrm.

"What kind of paradise am I looking for?"

I've been inspired to take photos of late, but my camera's USB port is still fucked. I haven't called anywhere to see about getting it fixed. Tomorrow I have to go the gas station and meet with the manager about scheduling. Happy happy, joy joy.

"Regretfully, I guess I've got three simple things to say. Why me? Why this now? Why this way?"

I think that I'm kind of thankful to have my feet on the ground somewhere, though. I've been inexplicably happy today. Happy that the stress of impending school choices is gone? Perhaps happy because I really needed a break from the monotony/chaos (don't ask), but was too proud to say so? I can't explain anything else. Like my mind is subconsciously fabricating plans that its going to keep from me until some integral time and spring some big change on me.

What does it mean when you dream of tornados? Comas? Rustic staircases?

What about all three at once?

*consults sleeps.com* "If you dream that you are caught up in a tornado, or see other people in one, or you are in danger from a tornado, then you will find all your well laid business plans come to naught and failure will dog your footsteps until you do something to change your chances of success; more education, better training or so forth."

Oh, Sandman, how you mock me. *glares*

AND!!! From the land of "Boy, Oh, Boy, You're a Fucking Loser," THIS made me EXTREMELY HAPPY!!! Perhaps there's a chance for the new director yet?




"Why is everything I own rubbish?" Aww... *pets Ron*

AND! The sixth book with the fucking corny title (Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince) is due out July 16th! Despite the title, it is supposed to be the best of the series (dubbed thus by both critics AND JK Rowling herself).

Patience is a luxury I've seemed to fail to continue to afford. *watches as her English teacher explodes* WOO! I win!

"I could wake up SCREAMING sometimes..."

"...but... I don't..."

It appears I have some things to take care of Monday.

Yes. If my life were anything but "interesting," I fear I might actually approach something near "normal." Who would ever want that?

It appears they've already cancelled my registration, so I suppose there's no rush in grading now. I have the other works on a CD somewhere, but here's Essay 3. If you think that the difference is a letter grade, I'll dig out the rest. I plan to return as soon as I'm allowed, so the grade change is still necessary.

Thank You,
Shae

Yay, moving out. Woo-fucking-hoo. Or, more importantly (and more difficult), finding someone's vehicle to borrow while moving out.

"It's like I hardly see the sky somedays..."

GODDAMMIT, why can't I sleep?! TOO much on my mind, man.

Email from my English teach:

Hi Shae,

Well, that news [that I would be on First Academic Dismissal. Like I didn't tell her] does make life interesting... Yes, as you suggest in your other email, please do send me your paper via email. I can do the reading of it, check my excel file to work on calculating your grade, and speed up the process.

Finally, I know there were some smaller assignments that weren't completed, so as I work on your grade in the Excel file, should I expect to make any other adjustments, besides the grade for Essay 3?

*Signed: Teacher*

This means that 1) I can turn in assigments I didn't turn in because I thought it wouldn't affect my grade because I thought my teacher wouldn't be bitchy and take of points for a paper that was late, eventhough it wasn't all my fault!!! 2) its going to be next fucking week before I even get a correct grade for that class.

I wonder what the Registrar is going to do about this? I'll call tomorrow if they don't answer my email before offices close.

I also need to find a ride to school to either stay or get my stuff and cancel classes. *le sigh*

If you play Portishead - Insensible really low while you have a box on, it sounds like someone whispering and growling. *goosebumps* Can I crawl into bed with someone? *pulls covers over head*

I'm going to try to go to sleep again.

*includes her seemingly necessary shout-out to Hope, my Australian mate who keeps me company when I have insomnia!*

Survey #2!!! (ever, not on this blog!)

Name: Shae

Birthdate: 12/10/84

Birthplace: Prestonsburg, KY

Current Location: In the bed with my laptop, Bum-Fucked-Egypt, KY

Eye Color: Blue

Hair Color: Blonde

Righty/Lefty: Righty

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Innie/Outie: Innie



Describe:

Hair: shortish (about to cut it again), blonde, wavy (no idea when THAT happened), LOADS of curls around face when humid/rainy, generally worn in weird pigtails because I'm too lazy to straighten it

Shoes you wore today: barefeet.. I didn't go anywhere..

Eyes: a mediumish blue with whitish in the middle



What Is:

Your Most Overused AIM Phrase: *LOL* (hands down)

Your First Thought Waking Up In The Morning: "NO! I don't want to wake up!"

The First Feature You Notice On The Opposite Sex: Personality. Oh, physical? Smile.

Your Best Physical Feature: Eyes. Then lips. I hate my nose. *pokes it*

Your Bedtime: when I fall asleep (aka, around 5am)

Your Most Missed Memory: Erm. That one time when that one guy said something funny and we all laughed until we cried and couldn't sit up straight anymore. Probably eating Chinese food.



You Prefer:

Pepsi Or Coke: Neither. I can't take the caffeine.

McDonald’s Or Burger King: Burger King, but preferably neither.

Single Or Group Dates: Single Dates

Adidas Or Nike: Neither. I take what I can get.

Chololate Or Vanilla: Dark chocolate

Cappuccino Or Coffee: can't take the caffeine again, but when I indulge, cappuccino.





Do You:

Smoke: Nope

Curse: Fuck off.

Take A Shower Every Day: indeed

Have A Crush: How old am I again?

Who?: For serious, how old?

Want to go to college?: I'm struggling to STAY in college. *mumbles something about rugs and itchy profs*

Want to get married?: Right now? Hell no. Depends on the person, place, time.

Type with your fingers on the right keys?: Generally. Except the c. I hit it with my pointer finger.

Believe in yourself: Hrm. Depends on the task at hand.

Get motion sickness: Hell no. Bring on the rollercoasters!

Think you’re a health freak: Hell no again.

Get along with your parents: Hell no again. Well, I kind of do my mom.

Like Thunderstorms: Only when a circular tunnel of air isn't picking my ass up, moving it, sitting it down 3 miles from the original spot, and dropping a car on my head.

Play an instrument: Hrm. 4 years flute, 2 piano, SOME (not much) self-taught guitar, and I once played a song on bass! GO ME!



In the past month did/have you:

Gone to the mall: Yes

Eaten Sushi: Yes

Been On Stage: No

Been Dumped: No

Gone Skating: No

Made homemade cookies: No

Been In Love: In one month? Wow, you guys move quick.

Dyed your hair: No (But I want it red again! :'( )

Stolen anything: No



Have You Ever:

Flown on a plane: What an awesome idea! Thanks! *prances off*

Missed school because it was raining: ...how did you know? *checks dorm room for surveillance*

Told a guy you liked them: Unfortunately yes.

Cried during a movie: Not in front of people.

Ever thought an animated character was hot: Ren from Pirates of Dark Water. A LONG time ago.

Had an imaginary friend: I had forgotten about that. Thank you. *glare*

Cut your hair: Indeed.

Had A Crush on a teacher: ENG101 teach. George Clooney with his ear pierced. *drool*

Played a game that required removal of clothing: Again, not that I remember. *ponder*

Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes. I don't remember ANYTHING past exclaiming, "McNair gon' killda hippogwiff!" and something vaguely about picante sauce.

Been called a tease: Indeed, I have.

Gotten beat up: No

Been in a fight: Yes

Shoplifted: Yes





The Future:

Age you hope to be married: I don't set goals like this for myself. If the right guy comes about, fine. If not, fuck it.

Numbers and names of children: Nothing the size of a watermelon is being squeezed out of my vagina. I may adopt! Names? Hadn't thought of it.

Describe your dream wedding: IF I get married, I always wanted to run away to do so so I don't have to be bothered with family. Vegas? Some other country? I dunno, I'll have Celtic knot wedding bands!

What do you want to be when you grow up: I wish I (or you, so you could tell me) knew. I've thought of photojournalism, psychiatry, veterinary medicine, accounting, marine biology, accounting and marine biology (what?! scuba shop!), photography... the list goes on.

What country would you most like to visit: What country WOULDN'T I like to visit? I promised my sister I'll take her to Japan if she gets into a good college. But I'm thinking Holland or New Zealand first (if that falls through). Or the entire European continent.



Number of:

People I could trust with my life: Erm. *counts on one hand* 3.

Tatoos: I want one!

Time my name has appeared in the newspaper: Counting when I was arrested for that murder? ...I have NO idea. Loads of times.

Scars on my body: I was a tomboy. This one's where I almost cut my finger off trying to slice a tomato, this one's from cutting my leg open on my step father's rusty pickup, this one's from the springs of the trampoline when I missed the landing of a front whip... the list goes on.

Things in my past I regret: None. The past is in the past. Get over it.



Favorites:

Shampoo: Biolage

Color(s): Red, Black, Blue, Purple

Day/Night: Night

Season: Winter. Unless its nasty like this winter, then Fall.

Lace or Satin: Satin. Lace feels nasty.

Cartoon Character: GIR!

Food: I developed an affinity for meatloaf (my mom makes WONDERFUL meatloaf) when I went off to school. Weird, I know.

Movies: Do you even want to open that can of worms? A few are Fight Club, Vanilla Sky, and any Disney movie.

Sport: Hurling



Right Now:

Wearing: grey t-shirt.. what? there's nothing else.. 'cept undies..

Drinking: water

Thinking About:
Brandi: "This womens husband had to get her off and catch it in a jar..."
Me: "catch WHAT in a jar, brandi? this isn't an episode of Double Dare.."
Don't ask, guys.. *cringes*

Listening to: Ani Difranco - Cloud Blood (I can't stop listening to her!! :'( )


In the last 24 hours have you:

Cried: no

Worn Jeans: yes

Met Someone New: no

Done Laundry: no

Driven a car: *fixes the grammar mistake from "drove" to "driven"* no

Talked on the phone: yes



Do You Believe In:

Yourself: Sometimes

Friends: Most of the time

Santa Claus: Only that one time. Then I realized it was a coat rack. :(

Tooth Fairy: No need. I don't plan on losing any teeth soon! *grasps on*

Angels: Maybe.

Ghosts: Fuck yes.

UFO’s: I used to be terrified! Too much late night television.

God: Strongly doubting thereof.



Friends and Life:

Do you ever wish you had another name?: Nope! Mine's amusing enough! (close friends know what my first name spelled backwards is.. *snicker*)

Do you have a boyfriend?: Hell naw.

Do you like anyone?: Not very many people.. ;) But I'm an "equal opportunity misanthropist"..

Who have you known longest of your friends?: That I still get to hang out with fairly regularly? Kristin, 8 years?

Who do you hang around the most?: Stephanie and Daniel

When did you last cry?: Can't remember.

What’s the best feeling in the world?: About the same as my favorite memory: Chinese, friends, laughing until people thing you're utterly insane.

What’s the worst feeling?: Loneliness

Thanks AMELIA for the survey!!! *LOVES!*

Defenestration

Kristin called me from the United Nations in New York around 2pm. I hope she has a good time and brings me back something spectacular!

Ok, yes, I'm sulking still.

DAMMIT! My English teacher is YET to email me! I am GOING to PULL out my HAIR!

I write such long entries, but I end up not saying much at all. I have so much to say, but a lack of eloquence to say it. A lack of... of knowing the right way to say it.

You try and try to explain yourself to people. Try and try to explain who you are, how you got here, why you are who you are. Make excuses for your faults, glorify your attributes. All this work when all you have to do is sit there. Sit there, look straight into a person's eyes, and say what is on your mind. That is all you have to do to explain to someone who you are.

Just sit there and say, "This is who I am."

Perhaps we have all lost a certain faith it takes to be human. To be the person we are. Faith in other people to decipher your code.

Sorry. This is borderline "this goes in my diary" material.

Can you tell I just finished reading the Tao of Pooh?

I think my brain just puked...

Steph and Dangle came! We ate chinese food until we (namely, Stephanie) puked! Then we went to watch Lemony Snicket! IT WAS WONDIFEROUS! The credits were the best! :XD (Sadly).

Stopped by the gas station where I worked last summer. They're hiring (per usual). I guess I found my job if I'm not to go back to school. Which isn't bad because the woman I liked that I thought quit and went to Wal-Mart came back! WOO!

But dealing with my family IS that bad. Maybe if I work 3rd shift again, I can sleep generally when they're awake/home!

I also may stay in Morehead with Steph and Daniel!!! Problems with that:

1. it took Stephanie a long time to find a steady job, now she only gets like... 10 hours a week


2. MANY people from high school went to school there and I just don't want to reacquaint myself with them


3. I want to get a car and pay off my credit cards. This will be easier if I have to stay home and without having to pay rent and every little thing that my grandmother/mom would otherwise pay for (free housing! WOO!)
   
4. I actually LIKE the gas station job and its GUARANTEED at least 40 hours a week (it goes without saying that I generally had 48 over the summer)


5. I'm due for a raise (not saying that I'll actually GET it because the Skeans are vicious business people who do not know that we get free fountain drinks (and whatever my grubby little hands manage to grasp. MUAHAHAHAHAHA*choke*HA!)


6. and... Ok, I'm watching Futurama and just realized I don't have the attention span to finish this list.

I'm missing New York! But a friend made a valiant effort to cheer me up!

Queen Of Hearts says:
Let me tell you how it is
Queen Of Hearts says:
In NY
Queen Of Hearts says:
the bus had a flat on the way there that took 4 hours to fix
Queen Of Hearts says:
so the snotty hotel they booked gave away ALL their rooms to a freak tupee convention
Queen Of Hearts says:
(Hey, bald men get cranky when they don't get what they want)
Queen Of Hearts says:
THEN
Queen Of Hearts says:
the bell boy who'd taken their luggage when they first walked in, turned out to not be a bell boy at all, but a random homeless dude who stole their stuff
I've deleted EVERYONE from my messengers again! XD YOU were no exception! says:
*L* they're staying at a hamptons
Queen Of Hearts says:
you'd think they would have noticed the smell, but he smelled of garbage and stale moth balls..much like the city itself

..yay!..

"Whatall is nice."

Chamomile tea is THE SHIT.

So, about 6 more hours before the bus for New York leaves without me on it.

I haven't heard shit from either my English teacher or the Readmissions people about school and classes start Monday.

If I can't go back, I can't stick around here. I'm going fucking certifiable. But I do want to stay at the same time for the sake of a select few of my family members and my financial good. How torn am I?

So much to think about.

"And he said, 'Change the channel, I've got problems of my own.'"

Stephanie and Daniel are coming to see me tomorrow!!! YAY! The first day out with friends since I left them... shit... almost 2 weeks ago. Man, I'm Miss Popularity. It's not MY fault generally all my friends are self-serving busybodies.

Ok, low blow.

I guess I've been burned so much, I SHOULD start re-evaluating my friendships.

I'm not strong enough to give up. I'm too forgiving, you know. I suppose that's why everyone knows they can walk all over me and I'll still be here waiting with my agenda completely empty.

Forgive me. It's just that I don't exactly have a lot of things to be in good spirits about.

"Words get in the way, and any way the devil's got your tongue."

Why does everything seem to be in slow motion of late?

Do you realize in the middle of speaking that you didn't mean to?

Have you ever just wished for 10 more minutes of sleep and end up sleeping for 10 more hours? (Yes, I did this. Quite literally. Shut up.)

So, tomorrow the Honors Program leaves for New York... without me. Fucking hell. I hate my teacher. *le sigh*

Its safe to say I'm not in the best of moods.

Excerpts from Ani Difranco's "Tamburitza Lingua"

"And everything seems to have gone terribly wrong that can
But one breath at a time is an acceptable plan
She tells herself
And the air is still there
And this morning it's even breathable
And for a second the relief is unbelievable
And she's a heavy sack of flour sifted
Her burden lifted
She's full of clean wind for one lean moment
And then she's trapped again
Reverted
Caged and contorted
With no way to get free
And she's getting plenty of little kisses
But nobody's slippin' her the key

Her whole life is a long list of what ifs
And she doesn't even know where to begin
And the pageantry of suffering therein
Rivals television
Tv is, after all, the modern day roman coliseum
Human devastation as mass entertainment
And now millions sit jeering
Collectively cheering
The bloodthirsty hierarchy of the patriarchal arrangement

She is hailing a cab
She is sailing down the avenue
She's 19 going on 30
Or maybe she's really 30 now ...
It's hard to say
It's hard to keep up with time once it's on it's way

And, you know, she never had much of a chance
Born into a family built like an avalanche
And somewhere in the 80s between the oat bran and the ozone
She started to figure out things like why
One eye pointed upwards looking for the holes in the sky
One eye on the little flashing red light
A picasso face twisted and listing down the canvas
Of the end of an endless night

10 9 8 seven six 5 4 three 2 one
And kerplooey
You're done.
You're done for.
You're done for good.
So tell me
Did you?
Did you do
Did you do all you could?

"I don't want to be a breakdancer. I have the balance of a drunken raccoon!"

Yeah. My brother just said that.

Note: Vodka and fireworks do NOT agree with each other.

I just spent an hour dodging firecrackers because my step father and my uncle were liquored up and throwing them at people, namely my uncle throwing them at my step father. I was just holding my breath until my step father was engulfed in flames from the boozeahol fumes and sparks colliding. It would have been the best New Year's Eve EVER!

Made the mistake of calling myself a fat kid in front of my uncle while eating pizza. I think I have a new "nickname." That is if he remembers any of it.

My little brother is now flopping on the hardwood floors. He just took to yelling "fish out of water!" and I looked up and he was on his stomach making a fish face and moving his fingers like gills and legs like fins. Now, "I'm a rockinghorse! *grabs legs and rocks*"

Wow. Our gene pool needs a "No Diving" sign.